Exactly how Islam teaches sacred sex
is a very subtle matter to discuss.
Allah and His Messenger treated the
subject with exquisite delicacy and
dropped a few hints, trusting that
sensitive souls would fill in the
rest.
Mainly what I have been shown of this
has come through direct witnessing,
"taste" (dhawq) as Sufis call it.
Try just being still and looking in each
other’s eyes and meditating.... The
Qur’ân says you should appreciate
Allah’s favors and graces....
Contemplate what it means to really
appreciate.
"The approach to your wives: they
are your garments and ye are their
garments" (Qur’ân 2:187). Our
clothing is in intimate embrace of our
naked bodies. This is symbolic language
suggestive of men and women
interpenetrating one another’s inner
being. "The approach to your wives"
means sexual intercourse.
"Your wives are a tilth unto you,
so go unto your tilth when or how you
will; but do some good act for your
souls beforehand; and fear Allah, and
know that ye are to meet Him, and give
good tidings to those who believe."
(2:223)
A. Yusuf Ali comments on this verse:
"Note how the most sensuous matters are
discussed frankly, and immediately taken
up into the loftiest regions of
spiritual fulfillment."
This beautiful opening is offered for
any whose hearts are pure and loving: to
be "immediately taken up into the
loftiest regions of spiritual
fulfillment."
The inner meaning of the first part
of the verse leads directly into the
inner meaning of the rest of it.
The whole point of sacred sex, in
Islam as in other traditions, is that to
make love with your consciousness
focused the right way leads higher to
supremely fulfilling spiritual taste and
presence. That is what this verse is
saying quite plainly.
This verse (2:223) is in the most
beautiful, clear and elegant Arabic
style in the original:
nisâ’ukum harthun lakum
fa-’tû harthakum annâ shi’tum
wa-qaddimû li-anfusikum wa-ttaqû Allâha
wa-‘lamû annakum mulâqûhu
wa-bashshir
al-mu’minîn
Here Allah is telling us to prepare
ourselves spiritually before approaching
the sacred erotic sanctuary. That’s
what "qaddimû li-anfusikum"
really means.
The next thing is to remain with
focused consciousness during the act.
This is exactly what is meant by the
phrase "ittaqû Allâh": keep your
consciousness focused on Allah. The
usual translations say "fear God," but
in this context that could be
misleading. The real inner meaning of
the verb is to have sharply focused
consciousness.
And the blissful result is to go to
meet Allah—so "give glad tidings to the
believers"! When you participate in
sacred sex you don’t need any
explanation of "glad tidings"!
The Prophet, peace be upon him,
taught that when husband and wife look
in each other’s eyes with love, their
sins are forgiven. When they hold
hands, good deeds are recorded for them.
When they do sex, they are surrounded
by praying angels. Read this for the
inner spiritual significance. When the
gift of these blessings is given you, if
you have the insight to open your heart
to the spiritual dimension, it means
that you’re in the immediate presence of
something holy and wonderful.
In other hadiths, the Prophet upheld
women’s equal right to sexual pleasure.
He instructed men to begin with
foreplay and tenderness, and told them
to continue long enough to ensure that
the women’s pleasure is fulfilled.
The Prophet taught that husbands and
wives are given rewards for doing sex
together. Some of the Companions were
incredulous and asked how Allah could
reward people for doing something they
enjoy anyway. Then the Prophet
emphasized that the reward was for doing
it lawfully (within marriage) instead of
illicitly. He adjusted his gentle,
subtle spiritual eroticism, putting it
in terms for the legally-minded . . .
leaving his earlier statement to stand,
however, for those who can read between
the lines.
What can we understand this hadith as
meaning? The rewards are in the future
life, in Paradise? Certainly it
wouldn’t be wrong to take it that way .
. . but . . . as you know, Sufis are
concerned with living the blessings of
closeness to Allah in the here and now,
not only after death. The rewards that
the Prophet promised for sacred sex are
immediate and present for you . . . see
with the eye of the heart.
In Muhyî al-Dîn ibn al-‘Arabî’s
classic book Fusûs al-hikam
(Bezels of Wisdom), the last bezel is on
the wisdom of Prophet Muhammad when he
said "Three things from your world have
been made beloved to me: women, and
perfume, and prayer the comfort of my
eyes." For Man, the vision of God can
be seen in Woman: "the most complete and
perfect contemplation of Reality". But
it’s only words unless you find the way
to put it into practice. Ibn al-‘Arabî
also wrote a book of erotic poetry
titled Tarjumân al-ashwâq (The
Interpreter of Desires) which has
meaning on both the erotic level and the
spiritual level at once.